


True to Your Heart

by islndgurl777



Series: give michael guerin a friend 2k19 (make that friend maria deluca) [11]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Bisexuality, Coming Out, Gen, Max is figuring out he's bi and into Kyle, Michael shares his experience learning he's bi, i guess?, i'm making everyone queer at this point bc i can, that's where this is going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 08:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18464911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islndgurl777/pseuds/islndgurl777
Summary: He’s idly considering if Maria’s psychic abilities are rubbing off on him when Max finally lets out a long breath and says, “Can I ask you something?” His eyes flick over to Michael and away just as fast.Michael wants to shake him in frustration, but he just shrugs and says, “Sure.” Max opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Michael scoots down in his chair and closes his eyes. “Whenever you’re ready, dude.” He starts counting his breaths to pass the time, and just to see how long it will take.On exhale forty-five Max finally blurts, “How did you know you were bi?”Michael’s eyes pop open and the rest of his breath rushes out. He sits halfway up, arms braced on the edge of the chair. “What?”





	True to Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> 1) This fic assumes Max and Michael had at least part of their 1x11 bunker convo, even though the rest of the series kind of veers into AU territory after 1x10.
> 
> 2) I have officially jumped on the Max x Liz x Kyle ship, so I'm bringing y'all along with me and I am not sorry at all.
> 
> 3) I tried to ask for help with the title on tumblr, but it was at like 11 last night so I got zero (0) responses therefore this one is from a 98 Degrees song from the Mulan soundtrack.
> 
> Unbeta'd.

Max has been fidgety all night, and it’s driving Michael up a wall. They’re sitting in loungers by the fire pit at Max’s, drinking beer and looking up at the stars. Everyone else has left or gone to sleep, but they are still out there, and Michael can practically feel the tension surrounding them. Max is gearing up to talk to him about  _ something _ and he just wants him to spit it out already, but apparently he’s nervous to bring it up, whatever it is.

 

He’s idly considering if Maria’s psychic abilities are rubbing off on him when Max finally lets out a long breath and says, “Can I ask you something?” His eyes flick over to Michael and away just as fast.

 

Michael wants to shake him in frustration, but he just shrugs and says, “Sure.” Max opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Michael scoots down in his chair and closes his eyes. “Whenever you’re ready, dude.” He starts counting his breaths to pass the time, and just to see how long it will take.

 

On exhale forty-five Max finally blurts, “How did you know you were bi?”

 

Michael’s eyes pop open and the rest of his breath rushes out. He sits halfway up, arms braced on the edge of the chair. “What?”

 

Max’s face is the most hilarious shade of red. He shakes his head and says, “Nothing, nevermind. Just forget it,” and starts downing the rest of his beer.

 

“What? No!” Michael says, swinging both legs to one side of his lounger, facing Max. “I thought we were supposed to be speaking less, talking more? This definitely qualifies.” Holy  _ shit _ , does this qualify.

 

Max dips his head in acknowledgement. “I just don’t want to make you...uncomfortable?”

 

Michael studies him closely while Max fidgets with the bottle under his gaze. He’s definitely acquiring Maria’s psychic abilities because he knows Max is telling the truth, but he’s also holding something back. Or maybe he’s just becoming more attuned to Max’s tells again? “Dude, if I were uncomfortable talking about it, I would tell you to fuck off. What do you want to know?”

 

Max sighs and shakes his head. “I just...how did you know?  _ When _ did you know?” He’s laying back in his lounger still, not looking directly at him, so Michael copies him and lays back down.

 

He’s done the whole ‘coming out’ thing before, with Iz and his friends and with Max,  _ finally _ , but he’s never talked about how he realized he was bi or his experiences after that. Where is he supposed to start? The beginning? “Well, figuring out I liked girls wasn’t that hard, I’ve known since middle school. You remember Ella Ross? First girl I ever got to second with, and there were no doubts about my liking it.” He winces because that sounds crude, and he can just hear Liz and Maria yelling at him for being an asshole about it in the back of his mind.

 

Max rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but what about guys? How did you know it wasn’t  _ just _ girls?”

 

There’s something in his tone that makes Michael raise his eyebrows. He glances over at his brother in curiosity but continues, “Alex was the first guy I remember seeing that way, and it took me a little while to figure it out.”

 

Finally, Max turns to him and says, “How did you figure it out then?”

 

Michael turns so they are looking at each other and lets out a shaky breath. Though he’s told Liz and Maria, he never thought he’d have this conversation with his brother. It’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. “We started hanging out a lot towards the end of senior year. There was this one night, we were just talking, playing music. He moved in to kiss me, but I turned away. We moved on like nothing happened, but the more I thought about it,” he shrugs. “I wanted to kiss him. I regretted  _ not _ kissing him. So I did. And it was amazing.” He smiles a little. Even if everything had ended in the worst way possible, it had started in the best, and that was worth remembering.

 

“But there wasn’t like a lightning bolt moment or anything?” Max asks, distress in his voice.

 

Michael snorts out a laugh and drops his shoulders, relieved. “No, not really.”

 

“But then how did you know you wanted to kiss him? How did you know you weren’t just appreciative of his stupidly sharp cheekbones and artful stubble?” Max’s frustration causes the porch light to flicker behind them.

 

Ah, so that’s what this is about. Michael has to work to control the triumphant laugh that wants to burst forth. “I don’t know, how do you know you want to kiss Liz? How do you know you’re not just appreciative of her gorgeous eyes and full red lips?”

 

Max glares, shoulders tense up by his ears, and says, “I just do!”

 

Michael shrugs. “Well there you go. Sometimes, I just know I want to kiss and/or fuck a guy. Sometimes there’s an instant connection, man or woman, and sometimes it takes a while. ” Max groans in frustration, so he continues. “Look, it’s not like there’s a rulebook for being bi. There’s no one correct way to do it. There’s not a list of qualifications you have to meet in order to join the club. If I’m attracted, I go for it.”

 

“But what if you can’t just go for it?” And Max finally seems to get tired of talking around his own issues because he sighs and says, “I’m with Liz. I love Liz. But...” The lights flicker again and Max runs his hand through his hair roughly.

 

Michael’s never been in a position where he’s unable to go for it if he wants to, so he shrugs. “That doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else at the same time, or be attracted to someone else, trust me,” he says sardonically. Max rolls his eyes, but he’s actually trying to be helpful, so he continues, “Look, am I right in thinking you’ve been wondering about this for a while?”

 

Max ducks his head and says quietly, “Yeah.”

 

“Then it’s probably not  _ just _ an appreciation of his good looks. You wouldn’t be so conflicted if it were.” His brother has always been steady in his affections. If he’s having these feelings, it’s probably not just a passing fancy either.

 

Max nods slowly, eyeing the fire as he absorbs Michael’s insight. Finally, he licks his lips and meets his eyes. “I don’t know what to do about this now.”

 

“You don’t have to do anything,” Michael says with a shrug. “Or you could think on it more, or read up on a few things. I can send you some links?”

 

“Sure,” Max says, voice rough, and he turns to lay down on the lounger again.

 

Michael shrugs and takes out his phone, making a note to send a collection of links and research to Max when he gets home. They’re both quiet a while before he says, “Seriously though, if you make a move on Valenti without talking to Liz about it first, brother or not, I will be forced to punch you in the nuts. It’s in the friendship code, or so I’ve been informed.”

 

Max snorts in laughter. “Dude, you don’t have to worry about that. She’s the one who brought it up.”

 

That’s surprising, and he raises an eyebrow at Max, who nods and says, “I know.”

 

The fire is burning low, just embers, when Max breaks the silence again. “So, now that you know all about  _ my _ love life…” Michael groans as he finishes with, “What’s going on with you and Alex?”

 

“I don’t know, man. I think we’re friends?” He feels stupid saying that aloud because it just sounds wrong. The words don’t want to come out that way.

 

“You don’t know if you’re friends?”

 

He runs a hand down his face. Feelings talks are the worst, but Max has just laid himself bare for him, and he’s trying to be a better brother, so he guesses he’ll try too. “I guess we are? We’re trying to be? But it’s hard.”

 

“Why?”

 

He’s wondered the same thing ever since they’d started trying to hang out regularly and every answer he comes up with sounds less pathetic than the truth. “Because there’ve been a lot of secrets on both sides for so long. Because I will take what I can get from him even when he hurts me. Because I’ve been in love with him for ten years and I don’t know how to be with him without _being_ _with_ _him_. Take your pick.”

 

“As someone who has kept secrets and hurt the woman he’s been in love with for ten years,” Max starts, and Michael has to toast him with the rest of his drink. “The only advice I can offer is to talk to him. Be honest. Tell him how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking about all of it.”

 

Michael takes a deep breath and considers this. “Lay it all on the table, huh?” It sounds easy, but he knows it would be the most difficult thing he’s ever done. Especially if he has to watch Alex walk away again when he’s done. 

 

Max nods deeply. “At least if it doesn’t work after that, you’ll know you did everything you could.”

 

“And what if he still only wants to be friends?” he asks, as if he won’t take anything Alex is willing to give him, even if it does hurt every time they’re together but not  _ together _ . Pathetic.

 

Max shrugs. “You don’t want to live out the rest of your life and regret not taking that chance. Right?”

 

“Right,” he agrees softly, scared out of his mind of what might happen if he goes through with it.

 

“Look,” Max starts, standing up and holding out his arm to help Michael up. “You don’t have to do anything now. You could think about it more…”

 

Michael shakes his head and grabs Max’s hand, uses it to lever himself up. “You repeating my own advice back to me?”

 

“It’s good advice,” Max admits. “Perfect for someone who likes to consider all the angles.”

 

“You gonna take it?”

 

Max grins, “Yeah, probably. You?”

 

Michael shrugs. “I don’t know, man.” He hates being in this in-between state with Alex, but... 

 

Max seems to know the lines on which his thoughts are running. “Let me ask you something else. Worst case scenario happens and he will always only want to be friends with you. Would you rather know that now or later?” Michael’s breath hitches and denial screams loudly in his chest. Max nods and pulls him in for a hug. “Okay then. There’s your answer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like Michael says in the fic, there's no standard way to be bi, but I wish I had a bi-Yoda, so that's kind of the position I put him in for this fic. And I put a lot of myself into Max. Think of it as writing therapy. I'm working things out for myself; if the characters don't feel as in character to you, they feel real enough to me, so just don't mention it. (I'm only sort of joking?)  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
